I’ve been making a short film based off a script I wrote for Film Fest this year at ACU. I’ve been delayed two years in graduating because of how lazy and indecisive I’ve been for so long. Even now, that’s still there, at times. For example, I should be either sleeping, or studying for a test tomorrow, but I’m writing this instead because I’m stuck on a thought that is just too distracting.
Anyway, two years of delay and I’m just now doing something for Film Fest after all my increasing love of filmmaking. I know a couple of people that seem to be the best thing available when it comes to filmmaking here, but I don’t think they really have very much talent for writing. I know what their movies are going to be about and it just seems like they’re trying way too hard.
It’s so weird having an opinion most others don’t share. Maybe it means I’m just biased or stupid…maybe it’s because they’re stupid. Obviously, I’d prefer not to be the stupid one.
Back to my point, I feel like the script I wrote dances circles around these other scripts I’ve been given access to and my script is just a simple, fun story about paranoia and fears coming true. I hear other people’s opinions when they see the almost finished product of my movie and they have unanimously said that they want a scream of some sort at some point near the very end of the movie. The thing is, they all are only thinking about how it fits with the traditional movie or how it’d be more realistic. I disagree because someone’s reaction is an individual reaction. You don’t always get the same reaction doing the same thing to different people.
Either way, they are expecting my film to give them relief. I don’t want to give them relief, I want the tension to stay there. They don’t get it. Unless it’s their movie, they need to not think about how they’d end a story and, instead, think of how I could better tell my story through visuals, not acting.
Now, returning to my main point again, which I’ve yet to really make. These “shoe-ins” are great, but I’m starting to get the feeling that, even as a rookie, I am the writer and director of something much better than their material. This feeling has given me two realizations:
One, I absolutely hate seeing these people who, granted, they do have great talent, but they do really silly things with the talent. Along with that, they let the praise go to their heads a little. Not so much that I dislike the person, but just enough to get under my skin from time to time.
Two, my past desire to be a film critic just wouldn’t have worked out. I want to make movies. I don’t want to just sit there and watch movies, I want to see my ideas come to life. It’s an awesome feeling. I got great people to play my characters and we had a great production team working to make this look like what I envisioned as best as they could. The knowledge that I can do better than someone who’s more experienced and more recognized is hard to sit on and do nothing about. Instead of saying that they could have done better as a film critic, I’d rather show them that I could do better and steal the praise they had been getting for myself.
That may sound cruel, but i really don’t care. That’s how I feel. I think it’s time I start earning all that recognition I’ve been craving. I’ve been too lazy, indecisive, and scared to earn it before. Now, knowing that I can do this, I don’t have any excuse not to.
Of course, it is too early to tell who did better. Either way, I know I’m at least worth being considered. The team worked way too hard and provided quality enough work to earn that consideration.
I’m really eager to see how things work out from now on.